I’m back

9 May 2022

So I have not journaled in a while. I do feel like I’m in a better place then I was before I came Kuwait.

I do feel like im more confident then when I first got here which one of my friends has commented.

However, I am still finding it hard to live in the moment a lot of the times I’m in my head. Thinking of scenarios that could be happening instead of actually being present in the social setttings when I am with people I do not know. I think that’s why when Im out partying I enjoy it it’s that little time out of my overthinking brain to actually have fun and not care what anybody else thinks. I just find it so hard to put myself out there due to fear of not being good enough but no one cares but me. I just find it so hard being the centre of attention. I just don’t wanna be the debbie dowher when people sis me just wrong but people do care about me I just find it hard to open up to them as I have been shunned many times for feeling what I feel my num used tobsay why am I being punished for these type of kids everyone else’s children listen to thne and are fine again with the comparison. that’s why I try so hard to be like other people and not be the odd one out as I have been told it’s not good to be different be like everyone else. which so fucked because then who am I don’t know who I am and what I want. actually I do know who I am I have accomplished a lot in my life I have a degree a job a roof over my head and I’m an independent woman. I have a lot to be grateful for but why am I still sad. I think I really need to go therapy and talk about all the suites see emotions that are now coming to haunt me in a time where I should be happy and content as I have everything I’ve ever wanted. I live in a hot country I have freedom nonone policing me on every aspect if my life. So why is there something still missing.…