Dear Diary Day 8

Do you know what? I've never really had a diary... Writing on here has liberated me in a way I know sounds weird. But it's like I finally have a voice. To be honest I just write on here whatever I'm feeling.

So I think I have finally got to the root of all my problems as to why I binge eat snacks, watch Netflix all day long and avoid having even a moment of silence for me to think to myself. It's as if my brain is running away from all its problems by keeping me busy on meaningless things. I need to break free from that by dealing with my issues head on if I want to make progress.

I just want to get to the point where I was content with myself. I want to work on my mental health as when I work on that everything else will fall in to place. For once I'm not focusing on the exterior if working out and going on a diet but I'm getting to the root of all my problems undealt with trauama.

This quote above resonated with me in a sense that I do try to micromanage little things and I am selfish in a way that I like to do things my way. I guess this could be because I never had control over my life and my opinion was never really valued growing up... This is probably where my anxiety stemmed from....

This quote above really resonates with me as at times when I was struggling to get though my university work I thought it was cause I was lazy but it really was because I was overwhelmed and so focused on producing the perfect piece of work which isn't realistic. I was never able to contribute to class discussions because of fear of being judged for not being intellectual enough even when I knew the answer. I would be thinking of unrealistic things that would happen if I answered.

I shouldn't really care what people think of me because no matter what I do people will talk anyway so I should just live my life. However, it doesn't matter how many times I tell myself that my brain still comes up with these crazy thoughts... How do we move past to the zero f***** given zone.

Let me know in the comments section below how you've overcome caring what other people think about you (look at me acting like people actually read this lol)